School Life

juggling family life, work and school has been a challenge. since july 2012 i have been attending devry university online, in the quest to finish out my bachelors. i work full time and i have a daughter at home that needs my attention. after work i come home, catch up with big bro and then spend time with kaiya. this includes running errands if need be, dinner, bath, reading a book then bedtime. THEN i get started on my homework. i would love to do homework when she does homework, but when i get home from work, her's is already done. when i do my homework it usually involves some sort of concentration and i do not want to be disturbed therefore i feel it's unfair for me to do hw when kaiya is still awake. there is no possible way to devote my time and attention to her, while trying to understand a complicated excel spreadsheet.

today i received an email that stated:

Dear Montia Martin,
I am pleased to inform you that you have been named to the Summer 2012 DeVry University Dean’s List. The Dean’s List is an honor reserved for students who achieve a GPA of 3.5 or higher during the semester. You have shown a strong commitment to your education and it has manifested itself in this outstanding academic achievement.

it went on to say that i would be getting an invitation to attend a celebration and if i am an online student, which of course i am, then i can attend the celebration in chicago. heck, im actually considering going. those of you that know me, you know im not a dummy. very far from it. but, having been out of school for almost 14 years, you tend to lose a few things. if i had accomplished this straight out of high school it wouldnt have been that big of a deal. this was my norm. but the fact that i can manage to accomplish this at this point in my life, is major to me. every day i struggle just to have enough time for my kids and myself and now i have to squeeze some hw in there.

i thank my bestie, shannaya, for helping with my decision to go back to school. i mean, my other girls had mentioned "u need to go back and finish". to actually have the honor to sit in the front row with her family and watch her walk across the stage with a smile, and to see the smile on her parents face, i left that graduation thinking I WANT THAT. and that's where it started. my quest for the right college began. i chose devry because i get a discout thru my job. i also liked their reputation and they had the major i was seeking. plus, when i graduate my family and i can ride on up to chicago, walk the stage and then kick it real hard aftewards. i was even granted a scholarship from them due to my previous accomplishment while obtaining my associates a few years ago. i am six months in now. still stuggling with my time management but im hanging in there and i love it.

receiving this email today brought tears to my eyes. hearing everyone tell me how proud they are of me truly swells my heart. i am very proud of myself and i hold myself to a very high standard when it comes to my school work. im not just doing this for me. im doing this for my kids and im especially doing this for my mother. i am so appreciative of all of the support that i have on this journey. i refuse to let anyone down, and i know for a fact, my support system will not allow me to fail.

"when you make the president's list, come holla at me!" -graylen lilliard-
dont worry guy, im coming for it!!!!

Have You Taken Your Medicine??

i ask my daughter this question sometimes when she just doesn't seem to want to calm down. or she is acting out uncontrollably. this question means, have you had your adhd medicine today. baby girl is 6, almost 7 and has been on meds to control her adhd since she was almost 4. for someone who studied psychology in school and was a non believer, it was very hard for me to see her go through this and make the decision to give her something daily that she could not control and that altered her mind-set. we started with a low dose of focalin. later moved to a higher dose including one in the afternoon. 3 yrs on that and we are now on concerta which has been working a lot better for us. by the time i get home from work, she is in her 'wear off' phase which is fine for me. secretly i prefer her when she's not on it, altho i may say different. but when she is not 'medicated' she is her true self. she says what she wants to and her emotions are more clear altho her mind isnt.

i can recall forgetting to give her her medicine one morning. her teacher called me at work and said, "umm did makaiya take her medicine this morning?" in my head i was praying she wouldnt notice but knew that if she was calling, she had. i admitted i had forgot and would leave work to run it up there. (the only reason her teacher even knew she was on medicine was because i had forgot before and had to go up there and she questioned what kind of medicine i pulled her out of class to give her) she said, "well makaiya said 'my mom didnt give me my medicine this morning mrs burleson and i can feel it. i just cant control it mrs burleson'". yes, makaiya is very dramatic. she is also very aware that she can be a little different . very aware that she seeks and requires just a little more attention then the rest. and i tell her, it's ok. it's not a bad thing. we all have issues :)

my daughters love language is 'words of affirmation' meaning she seeks out verbally for confirmation that she is doing right. confirmation that she looks ok. confirmation for security. many times a day i hear, mom does this look pretty, as she twirls around in crazy dress up clothes. mom are you mad at me, as she studies my facial expressions. mom are you coming back, as i get up to go to the bathroom. any little thing can set her off when she is not on her medicine which causes a total blowout of crying, yelling and complete frustration. i use to think that this was every child her age but when i compare her to her brother i now know it's not. outsiders that are not familiar with this burst of energy, i dont like the term hyper, or think it's normal for her age, tend to say i do not discipline her enough. i let her get away with anything, or she has a smart mouth. this is far from the case. my baby girl just has a strong opinion, like her mother, that she developed earlier in life than most. she speaks from her mind and her heart and just hasn't learned how to hold back things yet. i can't punish her for that.

i went to her parent teacher conference at this new school she is in. it's a magnet school and since she will have the same teacher for 1st and 2nd grade i went ahead and made her aware of kaiya's energy. she responded with "oh i would have never known!" her previous teacher said the same thing. i truly hate this response. if i tell you kaiya has adhd and is on medicine, why would you immediately say you can't tell. didn't i just inform you she was on medicine?? the purpose of the medicine is so that you can't tell. that response makes me want to send her to school without it so that she CAN tell and have something to compare to. but i know that's not fair. it's not fair to her as a teacher, it's not fair to the other students learning. kaiya's conversation is different. her handwriting is different. even her reading skills are different when she is medicated. so much more clear and organized and neat.

i enjoy the quiet kaiya. the one that plays ok by herself. the one that can sit in her room on her ds or reading a book, or will sit in her uncle's room watching disney jr. but makaiya, the one not medicated, is much more entertaining. (we say makaiya because she's usually doing something she's not suppose to and then her whole name get called out) lol she's a special, loving, caring little girl. she holds half of my heart and is irreplaceable.

Forget a Man, I Have My Brothers

as most of you know i currently have a brother, or two....well three actually, that live/stay at my house. don't get me wrong, i love my family with every thing i am. i wouldnt trade none of them for anything in the.... ok well what im getting at is that they are great to me when they can be and i truly appreciate them. right now my older bro does more for me than any man in my life has ever done. i have never had a man that continuously provides dinner every night when i come home. never had a man that cleans every day. well almost every day. never had a man that provides the type of conversations my brother provides. he knows EVERY THING, it's so amazing. and what he doesnt know, he can find on his iphone. i can never go to bed mad at my brothers because one of them is bound to do something to make me laugh before i drift off to sleep. never had a man to watch private practice, scandal, greys anatomy, and actually be able to follow along and discuss stuff with. never had a man that didnt care too much for sports. never really had a man that took care of my car like my brother has.

i have gotten my best advice from my brothers. my worse advice from my brothers. with my brothers i can hear every body part make a noise every morning and every night. now who wouldnt want that!!!! ive gotten my best meals from my brothers. (d made some peanut butter pancakes before, with the peanut butter in the pancakes, very good) and ceez can deep fry pizza rolls like no other. ceez deep fries every thing now that i think about it. my brothers have made me cry and have cracked me up to where i am literally rolling around laughing. they say the smartest things and they say the dumbest things. two of them call me boo which i think is creepy but it still maks me smile. they frustrate me but they also make my heart swell.

this being said, you'd have to be a very special man and you would have some big shoes to fill (13, 11,10) coming into my life. if they say, something just doesnt seem right about him, they are usually right. im pretty satisfied where i am, with my brothers....

Small Town Living

wow. it's been a minute, over a year, since i've done this blog thing. today it was really pulling me in. i just had a few things on my mind that i had to release and what better way.
baby girl currently goes to an all year round school. that's a whole different post to come later, but so far we are having a very good experience. she is currently on a fall break which consists of 3 weeks of her sitting at home with her uncle rah rah doing school work, and playing.
the little boy. for the most part, he lives with his father. something we worked out last september because it was better for him given my living situation at that time. fast foward to now, i have tried to get him into school here. head start should not be this difficult to get into right?? he just turned 4. he is by far the brightest 4 yr old i know and i'm not being biased.... well maybe a little, but i also do not know many 4 yr olds. lol. well i took him to a 'screening' which only consisted of paperwork, back in august. i was told he would be put on a waiting list, which isn't common. i remember kaiya being on one in urbana as well for a short time. school started sept 10. it is now the 26th and i keep being told he is on a waiting list.
i call today. they tell me, he is on the waiting list because your income is over the guidelines. apparently, 90% of the head start programs are income based here in this damn town. so every one that i picked as a 1st 2nd and 3rd choice, are in that category. well, i picked them because they are full day and that is what i need seeing as how i work full time. anyhoo, i ask for suggestions for other schools. the only 'free' one she could suggest is full and isn't even offering screenings. the other 10%that you have to pay for are full as well or out of our distance. so i am left on the waiting list until someone drops out, or they decide to allow more of us that have decent jobs, into the school.
i almost didnt return to work from lunch, that's how frustrated i was. pure frustration. the way that i am looking at it is, because i make a little bit of money, my son has to wait to get into school. AND, for kindergarten, the cut off is in september. early september. his birthday is late in september. so even then, if there are more lower incomed children here, my son won't be going to head start then either.
his father has a spot for him in peoria which i'm hesitant about because i want my son here. but i'm thinking this might just be my only option at this point.
is there anyone else that has run into this issue? any suggestions?

letter from a single mother

I decided to move to danville. it's whats best for me and it's whats best for my family. I can no longer continue to struggle as a single mother and take all the heat when things do not go right. so please, do not get mad that I'm moving 30 min away. and do not get mad that I'm taking ' your' kid away. our decision to have this kid has cost me more than u. when I decided to become a parent, I didn't decide to do it on my own. but I guess in a sense I did because I made that decision without a ring on my finger. honestly speaking, marriage doesn't guarantee a good father either these days.

my dream is to be a head honcho in a medical facility. that's what I wanna do, and I will. I can almost guarantee you it won't be at carle or provena. so what's going to happen when I make that big move out of this midwest world? I guess you're going to have to figure it out and make some accomodations. I refuse to be stuck in this deadness of a town just so you can spend time with your child every few days, or whenever is convenient for you. I think they deserve better, dont you?

I think they deserve to see success. I think they deserve  to see a strong black woman make it to the top. I also think they deserve to see her go above and beyond to make sure they have the best and do not want for nothing. staying here just so that people can look at you and think you're the perfect parent because they see you with your child, hinders me and what I'm trying to become.

and when they see you with your child and they say, aww he/she's so cute, you're such a good father. taking them to the park, chuckie cheese, the museum. do u stop them and say, thank you, but I haven't seen them in about a month and I haven't paid child support in almost a year. or, I haven't been to any of their school functions nor can I even name one of their non-relative friends. lol. I doubt it. you'll simply say yes, then go about with a smile on your face as a proud parent.

and how dare you ask me, why everytime I get him/her they have on the same thing as last time? simple, when you only see them once every few weeks, that outfit comes back up in the lineup of clothes that you hardly contribute to. or, why their hair not done? simple, we wasn't expecting to see you today and today is my 'don't do hair today' day. we have that a couple times a week. and please do not get mad that I send dirty clothes. when i sent clean clothes you sent them back dirty. you have a washer and dryer just like I do. oh i didn't pull ups in there. that's because when i send them you don't never send any back to replenish my stock.

so once again, I decided to move to danville. where I will be relieved of some of my financial stress. that way, when I do decide to bring your kid back to visit (because I know you not about to drive to danville cuz you don't drive to rantoul now) I will be able to pack a bag full of cute, clean clothes and pullups for you two to have a wonderful weekend together. and will have extra clothes at home just in case you choose to keep some, which you usually do until they pile up then send them all at once, dirty.

sincerley, your bm

haha. i hate saying that. lol

moving stress

so I'm starting to get really frustrated about this whole move. don't get me wrong, I'm thankful every day to have a job. I just don't enjoy change as much as some around me. not to mention, according to my daughter's counselor, her having moved 5 times already in her 5yrs of life, may b the reason for some of her confusions. but this time it's better cuz it's my jobs fault. lol.

so, I've learned, now that she's in school, there are a few things to consider when moving with kids. the school district is important, even for kindergarten. urbana, u really dont have a choice cuz it's based on where u live. yesterday I learned that champaign has a sort of lottery system that i'll have to get a lil more info on. her current teacher told me she would benefit from a 'very structured' kindergarten class but was unable to tell me which school in the urbana district offered that. not like it matters. unfortunately my budget will decide where we will live. good thing I have an I.D with my moms address on it just in case.

and is that wrong? is it wrong to lie about where u live in order to have your child go to the school of your choice? I currently live in rantoul and my child goes to an urbana school. not afraid to broadcast that because school is almost over and we're moving back anyway. but I couldn't put her in rantoul school since I work in champaign. pre-school is only a few hours long and I can't afford the childcare in rantoul. plus it's not like we're in a big city where parents are fighting to get their kids into certain schools.... at least, I don't think that happens here.

and then i get denied due to stupid reasons. well, i think they are stupid reasons. lol. i mean seriously, what does my credit history have to do with me paying my rent? just because i have a cable bill in collections does not mean i will not be a good tenant. that just means that i may have sacrificed having that luxury in order to make sure i was able to pay my rent. lol. i've never been evicted. i've been with the same landlord for 3 years. yes, i've lived in 3 different units, but, every move was for a good reason. do i expect them to give me a GREAT reference? no, i honestly dont. but i do expect them to be honest. and i expect the person i'm trying to rent from to take into consideration that although i may not pay on time, i pay. as a single mother that does not qualify for financial assistance for ANYTHING, i still pay. i have been at my job for almost 4 years and have a strong work history that dates back to age 15. i dont feel like i have to lie about who my landlord is, and my hardships just to be accepted on a damn rental application.

so there is my vent for the day and the reason as to why i put on my facebook status, that i'll start lying just to get what i need. telling the truth just isn't getting me anywhere with this move.

thanks for listening and once again, no pity. just a vent. i still am very optimistic that something will pop up. i now feel better and hope everyone has a wonderful weekend :)

single and dating

dating as a single parent sucks. I can not give advice on this nor can I sugarcoat anything. my daughter's father says that eventually he'll b single and just let his kids choose a mate for him. seeing as how his oldest is 5, he'll be single for awhile before kaiya is able to make that kind of decision. when it comes to dating I have found that true dating does not exist. I say this mainly because it takes too much energy. u have to actually find someone that truly wants to be out and about. and by the time I get my kids situated and to two different sitters, cuz they usually have to b seperated, I'm  exhausted. on the occasions that my bro will stay and watch them I normally have to wait until they go to sleep because my daughter has seperation anxiety and thinks i'll never come back. note, I have never not came back nor has anything traumatic happened to her to make her think this. another blog. so by the time I make it to my 'date' it's after 10 and that's not really a date now is it. not to mention I have just recently learned that my red dreads r ghetto therefore the people that I attract.... I'm sure u get where im going with that. so still trying to decide on what imma do about that.

but anyhoo, that show 'sister wives'. I believe that's what it's called. the one where the guy lives in the house with 5 or six 'wives'. i've never personally seen it. but i've had a person or two bring it up. what I've learned is men have been warped to think this is ok. (or maybe just the ones I've met) think about it. a man has all these multiple women in one area that he gets to have access to on a daily basis. one pisses him off, he goes down the hall. one won't do something, he goes to the next room. but the kicker is, they only mess with him. hmm. so what man honestly wouldn't want this. I mean seriously. how many times do we women say, well if I could take bobs body, tims face, kevins personality, tonys sensitivity, robs love for his mother, ricos sex appeal and put them all together.... totally random names by the way. how about a show called brother husbands. how well would that work out. not well at all i'd imagine. because no man is going to go for that. but it would b interesting. all I can say is those kids are ruined. and that's just my opinion. if there were no kids involved, and no real marriages involved and everyone was just having good ole safe fun, go for it. but these people are dead serious.

in my dating world I've come across a few. I've had two guys try to date me to get back at my sons father. apparently being juan's baby momma is not the best thing at times. i'm the target of petty payback. so i've learned to not date anyone who starts conversation with "aren't u juan's baby momma". I've tried rekindling a couple relationships from my past and learned there is a reason they ended in the first place. and now for some reason, i'm the target of married men. let me explain one thing, i'm stingy. at times i'm a little jealous. and i've shared a man before. this is not something i'd put myself thru again. my mother did not get married until she was 45. I take marriage seriously. and if a marriage is ending then it needs to end. I do not want to be the reason.

not to mention I fall fast and hard. they say you should not introduce anyone to your kids until you're sure. well hell, i've been sure a few times. so I'm obviously not a good judge. I like steve harvey's theory. he says you shouldn't wait. that u have to see how your kids will react around a person and vice versa. nothing like dating a man for 6 months that you're madly in love with, you bring the kids around and he can't stand lil kaiya. or he can't stand the sight of lil juan cuz he look too much like big juan. or the kids dont want to act right at all when he's around. downfall to this, when i'm with the guy i'm seeing now, kaiya thinks it's funny to bring up stuff that we did with howard. or she'll ask how come james dont come over no more. or remember when..... yea I believe she does it on purpose. bottom line, there really is no good time when you're kids are young and  then when they get older they'll hate everyone you bring around that's not daddy anyway.

i also read too much. steve harvey, zane, e lynn harris, omar tyree among a few, and i have this idea in my head of what falling in love is suppose to be like. unfortunately, it's very incorrect. the books i read make is seem so easy when it's really one of the most complicated things you may do as an adult. and like i've mentioned before, it takes a lot of energy i just do not have. i find myself trying to rush things.....for what?? around me all i hear are negative stories, which i know it's not always like that. and even though i hear a lot of the negativities, it still does not discourage me when it comes to finding love, maintaining love and growing old with someone. to me, i'd rather find someone i can have good and bad times with. someone i can fulfill my lonliness with even if i cant stand to be around them sometimes. at least i know someone is there. just someone to share the load with.

then i read about people who are 'married for convenience'. raising the kids. maintaining the house and bills. maybe occasional loving. but for the most part, they do their own thang and are completely happy. bills are paid. a companion to sit and talk to and go through stuff with. and the kids get to grow up in a two parent nurturing home. not really sure how i feel about this one. but i'm convinced that a lot of celebrity marriages are like this. lol.

so all in all, dating as a single parent sucks. you will never really know what is right when it comes to your kids. you're trying to spare them the heartache while also trying to protect yourself from another heartache. you don't want them around just anyone, but in the beginning everything is so good and fun, you want them involved. you don't want to introduce them too soon but then if you wait, you'll fall in love with someone who gives your child the creeps everytime they come around. i haven't figured this out yet, and i probably never will. realistically tho, none of this matters right now because i co-sleep and my mom says as long as i do this, i'll never find a man. lol. co-sleeping is definitely another blog.